Motherhood Reflections.........................

I don't know if anyone had chance to read about the Coble family, or look at their pictures, or their video. I can't tear myself away. They have been exceedingly in my thoughts. I've checked into their site every single day. I don't know if it is the fact that their story could just as easily be any other family. My family for that matter. Or if it is the fact that I don't want to forget. In six months to a year, this tragedy will be off the radar screen for most of us. But they will be struggling just to get up out of bed in the morning, to remember to eat, drink and breathe. Maybe it is because I am haunted by the thought of a home now suddenly silent and empty. Maybe I just want to rewind their accident, push the pause button for a few minutes. Maybe it is because now I know now their journey really begins. Like I said before I just don't know what you would now do with your life loosing all your children at once.

And I really don't want to forget.

Watching their tragedy has made me really reflect on motherhood. I spent many Mother's days in a bittersweet crossroad. I was completely grateful for my own mother and other women who have shaped me. All the while positively heartbroken that I wasn't a mother yet. Then when the mother's day came, and it was there to honor me, I felt only how I wasn't measuring up.

Little did I know all of the things I would have to be good at as a mom. All the things I would have to learn and master. A counselor, a janitor, an accountant, a nurse (well at least there was one thing I was decent at.), a chauffer, an activities director, a physical trainer and a chef. Each day would bring a new adventure. Each day is a dichotomy. Tickles and tantrums, hugs and headaches, smiles and screams.

But the ultimate thing I learned was that it has brought me direction. It has brought me pride and sacrifice. It has brought me joy. It has brought me magic. It has brought me belief in ordinary miracles. It has brought me to tears and to my knees. And it has brought me purpose. I may not master all of the things I need to before my girls are big and gone. But at least I know where I should be headed and why I need to get there. And that I am forever changed and forever better.