20 Years Ago Today...................................

I knew when I woke up, it would be an extraordinary day. I didn't know it would completely change my life, and my family's life in so many ways.

Many months before this day, I was at our foreign exchange student's house in Ensenada, Mexico. I got to stay there with her beautiful family for a week or so. In the middle of all of my fun, I got a call from my parents. My mom was expecting a baby. I seriously couldn't believe it, and I definitely couldn't stop thinking about it. I remember walking down the main street of the town, on our way to Tres Hermanos shoe store, saying silent prayers to myself that there really would be another Gates baby.

And then it seemed like an eternity. You know those impatient middle school minds and souls. I just wanted this baby to come! And I knew my mom was tired of midnight Wendy's chili runs, guzzling Maalox straight out of the bottle, and not to mention the constant ralphing. Wasn't it time already?

So on this very morning 20 years ago, I woke up, and prepared myself to head to the hospital. There would be no school for me that day. Nope. I was going to see my baby sibling be delivered. With one little stop at the book store to pick up a baby name book, we were off.

I don't remember much about the labor, or the waiting. I only remember the nurse Tenley. (Incidently, I know she is still there because she cared for my SIL Tiana just a few weeks ago!)
And then, I remember the delivery. The miracle! The new life! A boy! I didn't even care that I would never have a sister, because I instantly loved him. 4 brothers. But I knew he was special. And I got to hold him first.................

It was one of those days that never leave you. In some ways I remember more details then when my own children were born. I wonder if it is because a short 15 months later, Kelly would be gone. A tragic accident would take him from us. And I was desperate to make sure I remembered everything. So I seared it into my memory.

This day changed me. It set my whole life on a course. A course as simple as career. From this day forward I knew the only thing in life I wanted to do was be a labor and delivery nurse. And that never changed. I went through high school with nursing in mind. I chose a college with an excellent nursing school. I tolerated the medical/surgical and critical care with babies on the brain. I declared a nursing major and 4 years later I had my BSN. And I was blessed to get a job in obstetrics right out of school. I've never done anything else. 12 years later I'm still here. I still get the see the miracles, see the new lives. So many times I watch these deliveries and I can't help but think about where the babies will be in 15 months.

I've never been angry about losing Kelly. Just sad, lots. I can't believe he would be 20 years old today. Holy crap. Seriously? I feel like his short life was a gift. That without his little life it has taught us to really be grateful. To really believe in eternal families. To see that people are truly generous, and kind, and they can grieve with you. And then you know how to grieve with others. And that bad things happen in an unfair way. But you emerge stronger. And your faith solidifies. And you hug your babies tighter. And you can let the little minutiae of daily life slide, because you know there is a bigger picture, and loftier goal. And that you can be a better person, down in your guts. And that you better, makes others around you better. And the circle is infinite.

I am so lucky. I have this day 20 years ago, as a souvenir in my mind. And I get to keep it forever.